It Must Be Said

Ahem: By now, we've all encountered someone (or a few) that we have graciously allowed to be a part of our lives only to find that this person has been sideline hating all along. It's okay to admit it...hell, I don't mind. I've encountered more than my fair share. Mainly because I'm a natural born nurturer; I feel the need to take care of people even when they don't deserve it or may not be as appreciative as I'd expect. Don't get me wrong, anyone who's ever been on the receiving end of my rage is either no longer a part of my life and/or still trying to heal their bruised ego. It has been said that the nicest people are the meanest when they're mean.Value: Spotting these people is easier than you think. All you need to do is think about how much value they add to your life and what their presence represents. I'm the kind of person to accept someone into my life over and over again, but at some point or another, I do a full mental evaluation of that person and their character. One thing that always seems to stand out is if that person has ever been disloyal. Loyalty may as well be the Sullivan anthem; it's that important. However, if a person takes all that you have to give, but only gives you the bare minimum, then chances are they're a mooch and don't deserve your time or energy.

Hater Syndrome: I have had my share of not so good relationships with friends, but the ones that always seem to be the worst are the ones with females. Let me get this straight; not all, but most females are cold, vindictive, manipulative, unstable creatures. This is true. Do not be fooled. No matter how many times you may have went out of your way for this person, listened to them cry about that no good dude who keeps beating their ass, paid their way when she knew her broke ass didn't have any money, allowed them to stay in your home when they otherwise had nowhere else to go and even made the choice to associate with her trife ass when you knew she has and would continue to talk about you behind your back, she's still gonna be who she is; a lazy, triflin', bitter, confused, two faced bum.

She's usually the one screaming about being on her "grown woman" or complaining about haters. Like Loren said, if you aren't making that much money, drive an average car and have a bunch of kids, trust and believe, "no one wants your life...no one is hating on you". What's even funnier is you probably have someone in mind as you're reading this right now.

Brownie Points: All jokes aside, it really does suck when you finally realise that someone really wants nothing more than to see you fail. I've finally had to come to terms with this myself. There have been a couple of people who my family and I have treated like family, only for them to talk about us like dogs everytime they got a chance. And if that wasn't enough, they'd make it seem as if they never needed our help, but would boast about how much they've done for us. That's the first thing to pay attention to. If someone is honestly and truly your friend, they won't hold every single time they've done something for you over your head. "Remember that time I went to the clinic with you?" "Remember that time I let you hold $20?" When you're someone's friend, you're SUPPOSED to do shit like that!! You don't get an award for doing some shit that's expected of you any damn way! And who asks for brownie points? How old are we? seven? Not only that, but a good friend doesn't want anything in return for their favors. I've never been a "quid pro quo" kinda person. I believe in karma and I feel that my generosity will most certainly come back to me.

Ulterior Motives: It's also important to pay close attention to how much the bad outweighs the good. If this person has caused more pain than smiles, it's probably time to let them go. It's okay to forgive and forget, but you're only allowed so many fuck-ups within one relationship. What's worse is there's always a hidden agenda. People that were never your friend almost always tell you how they really feel about you after the fact. Envy and jealousy is not a good look...for anyone. It's quite entertaining, actually. Imagine if a homeless person walked up to you and told you that you ain't shit. How would you respond? Look at it the same way when your ex friend decides to unleash her jealous fury on you.

Competition: one of the biggest signs that someone is definitely hating. Determine if this person has many things in common with you or if they're actually in competition with you and most importantly, pay close attention if they constantly compare themselves to you or anyone else that you're close to. There's nothing worse than someone who claims to have things in common with you when in fact they lack a character of their own and are living their lives through you. It's flattering at first, but come on now...if you're over the age of 21, you should have some solid idea of who you are.

As an adult, it's okay to admire certain qualities about someone, but trying to become them is kinda stalkerish (think: Single White Female). No "friend" competes with a friend. You lift each other up, you do for each other and most importantly, you're happy when their dreams are realised. However, if she tries to "out do" you instead, she's probably a bum. No real friend even thinks like that. I've beared witness to someone who would call something or someone ugly only to want it that much more when their friend shows interest. Just be careful...I don't want anyone's boyfriend to get stabbed in the eye with a stiletto heel or anyone's puppy to get thrown out the window. B: likes her hair just the way it is, thank you.

The way it all falls down: The fact of the matter is, if you've been good to someone and they do you wrong, you don't owe them anything. I have rid my life of the toxicity that I have allowed into my life over and over again only to find that I was more of a convenience to them than a friend or family member. After years of an off and on again friendship, I finally decided that it made more sense to leave them alone with the misery and sadness that is their life. If someone is just standing by and waiting for me to stumble just to keep themselves entertained, then they'll just have to watch from the outside. There's nothing worse than "letting a wolf in your home and closing the door behind it".

Yeah, I said it, and? This is just my observation and personal experience. I'm not passing judgment on anyone or their motives. Like I said before, if ater reading this you've decided to rearrange your social circle, good for you. If after reading this you've decided to blast me in a "retaliation blog" or any other behavior that suggests your character is less than stellar, then get your life together. No one hates you; you're simply not that important to me or anyone else.