Sitting and reflecting over the past ten years was kinda tough. I thought of all the people I lost, the many times I lost my way and how those things have shaped me into who I am today. One event stands out to me more than anything: the loss of my best friend Pam and my great grandma...both in the same year...five months apart.
I was pretty broken for all of 2004 and the better part of 2005. The person you know today didn't exist then. It took some time for me to find some kind of comfort and acceptance in the wake of losing them. My great grandma was 91, but as old as that may seem, I still needed her. I need her even now. However, when she passed, I realised that if I could let her go, I could do anything. It became that much easier for me to let people go, specifically people that were no good for me.
Losing Pam was different. That was my ride or die since '95. I'm a natural loner and never ran with a big group of friends. Ever. That was my ONLY friend for years. I was very anti-social and couldn't relate to too many because...well, teenage girls are stupid. Pam was just as much a mess as I was. The difference was, she didn't apologize for it and I effin' digged that about her. Feathers at the bottom of her jeans, sweats with heels, three photo albums full of pictures of herself, whatever...she did it, she loved it and she really couldn't give damn what anyone thought about it.
Now, I've always had a left-of-the-center kind of attitude, but when she passed, I stopped caring about what people thought about me and my point of view. Groucho Marx once said, "those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have more." 'Nuff said. I'll always be grateful for Pam for being my sunshine. At times she was a huge question mark and when she passed, the question mark was answered: "just because".
Those two in particular have shaped me into person that I am today. I try to avoid stepping on toes at times, but hey it's dark and hell is hot. someone is bound to get their feelings hurt. It's never my intention to hurt anyone (ever), but we can't stifle our own ideas and opinions to make everyone else comfortable. I've said before that the most successful people of our time and times before us didn't get there by being nice.
Here's to the next 10, y'all!! Live life with no regrets and avoid apologizing if possible...lol! Always remember that if folks don't like you for being the best YOU that you can be, remind them that you aren't paying them for their friendship. I'd rather have 2-3 friends that love me unconditionally than 10 friends that agree with me, but secretly hate me.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The Thing About That Is...
You see, It's not that I'm rude, difficult or even mannish. I just have high expectations of what a MAN should be. I've seen the light and been to the mountain top and I refuse to settle with something that's less than what I know is true.I go through a lot...daily. At the end of the day, I want to know, not guess, but KNOW for sure that I can let my guard down and be confident that the man that stands in front of me will be there to catch me should I fall. Without hesitation. Without reservation.
These past couple of years have been full with coulda beens, woulda beens and flat out hell go'damn no's. Too sensitive, too opinionated, too many insecurities (*gag*) and toooooo go'damn sensitive!! Ugh! Let me be the woman in the relationship. Can I be the ball of emotions for a change? Geez...I've just come to realise that one person built this high, great, damn near ethereal image of what a man is and how he should behave when he loves a woman...and no one has been able to come close to his summit.
I love and respect him. Bow before his opinion. Stand back in awe of his cool...his confidence...his...je ne sais quoi. The love is long gone, but the respect that I have for him and the impact he's made on my life reigns supreme over everything. Everyone.
These past couple of years have been full with coulda beens, woulda beens and flat out hell go'damn no's. Too sensitive, too opinionated, too many insecurities (*gag*) and toooooo go'damn sensitive!! Ugh! Let me be the woman in the relationship. Can I be the ball of emotions for a change? Geez...I've just come to realise that one person built this high, great, damn near ethereal image of what a man is and how he should behave when he loves a woman...and no one has been able to come close to his summit.
I love and respect him. Bow before his opinion. Stand back in awe of his cool...his confidence...his...je ne sais quoi. The love is long gone, but the respect that I have for him and the impact he's made on my life reigns supreme over everything. Everyone.
Monday, November 3, 2008
This Can't Be Real
...hmmmm...so like, I'm on the bus, right? I'm chillin', listening to my iPod and just observing my surroundings (and yes, when someone has on a big ass pair of sunglasses, they're probably staring at you), when this chick and her girlfriend get on the bus. I honestly didn't notice...mainly because there are far too many things going on in this world to worry about than someone's sexual orientation/preference. Living in Seattle, (the Gay/Lesbian capital of the US next to San Francisco), you'd almost think that one would be used to seeing same sex couples, right? Wrong!
So this loud, belligerent jerk walks directly up to the one girl (that was dressed and presented herself as a boy) and says right out, "Are you gay?" The girl looked, but didn't respond so he asked again, "Excuse me, are you gay?!!" and this time, he was a little more aggressive. The girl turned around and said, "Please leave me alone". There wasn't even a hint of a tone in her voice and I kind of admired her patience while staring in the face of a total and complete, ignorant asshole. So then the dude says, "Yeah, you're a faggot...", (all regard for his opinion kinda went out the window with that statement) and proceeded to go on a rant about rainbows or some shit. He then said he knew she was gay because she wore her flip-flops with socks.
My mouth dropped open like, really?? Is that really how you approach people? Especially when you're asking them a personal question that in no way affects you?Now, I'm ALL for the gays!! "yay, go gay!!" I feel like this: if it isn't affecting you, your life or your money, why would it bother you if people want to be with the same sex? I choose to sleep with men. I find most of them to be sexy, but I also like cheese on my hot links. Does that make me weird? No; it's a preference. You know what burned me up? The fact that they decided NOT to have the death penalty as an option for child molesters. THAT'S a topic for discussion; not gay/lesbian people co-habitating.
So anyway, the girlfriend (the more girly one) was kinda spicy 'cause she came right out and said, "Sir, could you leave my MAN alone?" and everyone on the bus laughed. I'm still trying to figure out what was so damn funny about that. I thought her pride was definitely something to be jealous of; like as if she'd defend her with her life. The same way a mother would react if someone were to try to discipline her child: "excuse me, that's MY baby!" Make sense? So anyway, the asshole was with some broad that decided to jump in and defend him and she turned around and called them dykes!!
She then went on a rant about gays and lesbians and how they make her sick and how they're going to hell for living the way that that do. (Here's my thing; if that's the case, we're all going to hell for SOMETHING. No one is perfect and we all have done something that we aren't so proud of. I had/have pre-marital sex, I really don't plan on getting married, I had a child out of wedlock, I cuss like a sailor and I have no plans on changing. I know people who are 10 times worse and guilty of countless unspeakable acts so I'll see most of yall in hell and if you get there before me, save me a spot. Thanks! ) Then the girlfriend stood up and was like, "Bitch!!" Now, I don't know what came after that 'cause we all know it's over after you hear that first, emphatic, 'bitch'.
What I do know is the chick said something to the effect of, "you wouldn't say that if we were in an alley" and the girlfriend clearly didn't take too well to idle threats because she walked up and gave the chick the business. And when I say she gave her the business, I mean, SHE GAVE HER A TWO-PIECE in mid-sentence. She thoroughly beat this chick's ass. Then the chick said something about calling the cops because she was "assaulted by two dykes".After all was said and done, I walked up to her and gave her a high-five. She deserved it.
She went on to say that she was from NY and "don't play that West Coast shit talking game". It made me think of what my mom used to say as this experience shed some light on what never made sense to me: "oh yeah, people can talk a good fight...that's when you SHOW them a good fight and pop 'em while they're talking." No one can talk that much shit and actually have the skill and balls to back it up. Not everyone can be Floyd.
Normally I'd end such a blog with one of my own truths, but I think Leonardo daVinci kinda nailed it for me: "One has no right to love or hate anything if one has not acquired a thorough knowledge of it's nature."
So this loud, belligerent jerk walks directly up to the one girl (that was dressed and presented herself as a boy) and says right out, "Are you gay?" The girl looked, but didn't respond so he asked again, "Excuse me, are you gay?!!" and this time, he was a little more aggressive. The girl turned around and said, "Please leave me alone". There wasn't even a hint of a tone in her voice and I kind of admired her patience while staring in the face of a total and complete, ignorant asshole. So then the dude says, "Yeah, you're a faggot...", (all regard for his opinion kinda went out the window with that statement) and proceeded to go on a rant about rainbows or some shit. He then said he knew she was gay because she wore her flip-flops with socks.
My mouth dropped open like, really?? Is that really how you approach people? Especially when you're asking them a personal question that in no way affects you?Now, I'm ALL for the gays!! "yay, go gay!!" I feel like this: if it isn't affecting you, your life or your money, why would it bother you if people want to be with the same sex? I choose to sleep with men. I find most of them to be sexy, but I also like cheese on my hot links. Does that make me weird? No; it's a preference. You know what burned me up? The fact that they decided NOT to have the death penalty as an option for child molesters. THAT'S a topic for discussion; not gay/lesbian people co-habitating.
So anyway, the girlfriend (the more girly one) was kinda spicy 'cause she came right out and said, "Sir, could you leave my MAN alone?" and everyone on the bus laughed. I'm still trying to figure out what was so damn funny about that. I thought her pride was definitely something to be jealous of; like as if she'd defend her with her life. The same way a mother would react if someone were to try to discipline her child: "excuse me, that's MY baby!" Make sense? So anyway, the asshole was with some broad that decided to jump in and defend him and she turned around and called them dykes!!
She then went on a rant about gays and lesbians and how they make her sick and how they're going to hell for living the way that that do. (Here's my thing; if that's the case, we're all going to hell for SOMETHING. No one is perfect and we all have done something that we aren't so proud of. I had/have pre-marital sex, I really don't plan on getting married, I had a child out of wedlock, I cuss like a sailor and I have no plans on changing. I know people who are 10 times worse and guilty of countless unspeakable acts so I'll see most of yall in hell and if you get there before me, save me a spot. Thanks! ) Then the girlfriend stood up and was like, "Bitch!!" Now, I don't know what came after that 'cause we all know it's over after you hear that first, emphatic, 'bitch'.
What I do know is the chick said something to the effect of, "you wouldn't say that if we were in an alley" and the girlfriend clearly didn't take too well to idle threats because she walked up and gave the chick the business. And when I say she gave her the business, I mean, SHE GAVE HER A TWO-PIECE in mid-sentence. She thoroughly beat this chick's ass. Then the chick said something about calling the cops because she was "assaulted by two dykes".After all was said and done, I walked up to her and gave her a high-five. She deserved it.
She went on to say that she was from NY and "don't play that West Coast shit talking game". It made me think of what my mom used to say as this experience shed some light on what never made sense to me: "oh yeah, people can talk a good fight...that's when you SHOW them a good fight and pop 'em while they're talking." No one can talk that much shit and actually have the skill and balls to back it up. Not everyone can be Floyd.
Normally I'd end such a blog with one of my own truths, but I think Leonardo daVinci kinda nailed it for me: "One has no right to love or hate anything if one has not acquired a thorough knowledge of it's nature."
The Year of the Hater
Okay, so what exactly does popular culture consider a "hater"? I always thought a hater was someone who wanted something (easily attainable) and rather than motivating themselves to get their own, they hate the next person for already having it. Seems about right? I also know that it makes a lot more sense to ignore a hater and not acknowledge their existence (think: silent check-mate) rather than dedicating so much of your time and energy to their motives.
However, this year has been full of songs and popular phrases dedicated to haters, thus making 2008, The Year of the Hater. Haters, you guys should give yourselves a round of applause, pat yourself on the back and kiss a baby if you feel it's necessary because you own the spotlight right now.
Now the self-proclaimed "hated" may need to step back and take a look at your life and see exactly what it is that makes you SOOOO great that any and everyone and their mailman just hates you so much. Know what I think it is? Lean in...closer...closer... *whispers* I think it's all in your head. I can't say it enough, but anyone who's worthy of being hated isn't walking around talking about how much they can't stand haters...they're too busy living their lives, making their money and taking care of their families. They don't have time to sit down and make dedications to a hater.
If you just got a new car/truck (in an attempt to keep up with the now bankrupt Joneses) and you're barely making the note, trust me, I don't want your life. If you got famous because your legs pop open everytime someone steps on your foot (and you AREN'T getting paid for it), trust me, I don't want your life. If you have children and aren't taking care of them, trust me, I don't want your life. If your cell phone is getting cut off every other month, but you can somehow afford a new outfit every week, trust me, I don't want your life. If you don't have a job or a place of your own, TRUST ME, I don't want YOUR life.
Step out of that fantasy called Haterville. If you had anything worth bragging about, the last thing you'd be worried about is who doesn't have it and why. You're so busy watching them watch you that you can't take care of business, focus on your career and/or get an (adequate) education. I'm actually shocked when I hear that someone doesn't like me...well, I have ADD, but still.The point is, if you had something self motivating to focus on, you most certainly wouldn't be worried about a damn hater. That is, unless scoping out haters IS your motivation and if that's the case, get your life together, loser. And please stop it with the "I love my haters" movement. You sound like a total and complete idiot. Love your family, love your job, but most importantly, love YOURSELF. Who really has time to love a hater?
However, this year has been full of songs and popular phrases dedicated to haters, thus making 2008, The Year of the Hater. Haters, you guys should give yourselves a round of applause, pat yourself on the back and kiss a baby if you feel it's necessary because you own the spotlight right now.
Now the self-proclaimed "hated" may need to step back and take a look at your life and see exactly what it is that makes you SOOOO great that any and everyone and their mailman just hates you so much. Know what I think it is? Lean in...closer...closer... *whispers* I think it's all in your head. I can't say it enough, but anyone who's worthy of being hated isn't walking around talking about how much they can't stand haters...they're too busy living their lives, making their money and taking care of their families. They don't have time to sit down and make dedications to a hater.
If you just got a new car/truck (in an attempt to keep up with the now bankrupt Joneses) and you're barely making the note, trust me, I don't want your life. If you got famous because your legs pop open everytime someone steps on your foot (and you AREN'T getting paid for it), trust me, I don't want your life. If you have children and aren't taking care of them, trust me, I don't want your life. If your cell phone is getting cut off every other month, but you can somehow afford a new outfit every week, trust me, I don't want your life. If you don't have a job or a place of your own, TRUST ME, I don't want YOUR life.
Step out of that fantasy called Haterville. If you had anything worth bragging about, the last thing you'd be worried about is who doesn't have it and why. You're so busy watching them watch you that you can't take care of business, focus on your career and/or get an (adequate) education. I'm actually shocked when I hear that someone doesn't like me...well, I have ADD, but still.The point is, if you had something self motivating to focus on, you most certainly wouldn't be worried about a damn hater. That is, unless scoping out haters IS your motivation and if that's the case, get your life together, loser. And please stop it with the "I love my haters" movement. You sound like a total and complete idiot. Love your family, love your job, but most importantly, love YOURSELF. Who really has time to love a hater?
I Too, Dream Africa
So, I got into a rather heated debate last week with a (now old) friend. I don't remember exactly how we got on the topic, but he said something to the effect of, "I don't speak German, I speak Black...lol." First things first, putting an "LOL" in front of something ignorant doesn't make it any less ignorant, nor does it make it humorous. Off the topic, but I had to say it. From there we got on the topic of race, culture and what it means to be "Black". By the end of the conversation, it became clear to me that you can never really know a person too well.
Now, I judge no one based on what they consider themselves to be, but I will not lie, I'll judge based on the reason behind it. Anyway, here's where it got interesting: he basically said that he considered himself Black and had no relation to Africa as he could not "trace back his roots." I then asked him how he could consider his color a race. I'll admit, I use both terms "Black" and "African American" interchangeably, but if asked, I'll tell you that I'm African American; a product of the African diaspora. Sadly, like most, I don't have a country to refer to, but I do have this beautiful brown skin and an inherent love for all things rhythmic.
He then went on a rant about how I was being "unpatriotic" and how he served and fought for this country and that I'm unappreciative for what our military does for America everyday. I think I pissed him off even more when I said that I could only imagine how much love and dedication he would have to this country had he NOT served in the Marines. Chris Rock said it best: "America (to African Americans) is like the uncle that paid your way through college, but molested you." He then said, "its people of your mentality that makes it difficult for black Americans to achieve the greatness we're destined."
I first decided that this is someone that could no longer be a part of my social circle. Then, I told him that at the end of the day, if it was between him and one of his comrades (of the other persuasion), he'd get lynched first and with absolutely no consideration for his service and dedication to this country. It's one thing to call one's self Black loosely, but once you start trying to defend and define what it means to be Black, I have a problem. Black is a color; not a race, culture or place. I cannot travel to "Black" and learn about my Blackness. Being "Black" is an identity based on skin color. You may as well call yourself Colored.
At the end of the day, we're all living, breathing products of Africa. Not chains, shackles or being sold as property, but a constant reminder of the beauty that is Africa; a reminder that, we too, come from greatness. I too, dream Africa.P.S. - you may not wanna take any advice from me...or read this blog. Afterall, I am the reason Black Americans can't get ahead in life...(could someone please make me a smiley face that's flipping the bird? Or maybe just a middle finger? That would so come in handy right now)
Now, I judge no one based on what they consider themselves to be, but I will not lie, I'll judge based on the reason behind it. Anyway, here's where it got interesting: he basically said that he considered himself Black and had no relation to Africa as he could not "trace back his roots." I then asked him how he could consider his color a race. I'll admit, I use both terms "Black" and "African American" interchangeably, but if asked, I'll tell you that I'm African American; a product of the African diaspora. Sadly, like most, I don't have a country to refer to, but I do have this beautiful brown skin and an inherent love for all things rhythmic.
He then went on a rant about how I was being "unpatriotic" and how he served and fought for this country and that I'm unappreciative for what our military does for America everyday. I think I pissed him off even more when I said that I could only imagine how much love and dedication he would have to this country had he NOT served in the Marines. Chris Rock said it best: "America (to African Americans) is like the uncle that paid your way through college, but molested you." He then said, "its people of your mentality that makes it difficult for black Americans to achieve the greatness we're destined."
I first decided that this is someone that could no longer be a part of my social circle. Then, I told him that at the end of the day, if it was between him and one of his comrades (of the other persuasion), he'd get lynched first and with absolutely no consideration for his service and dedication to this country. It's one thing to call one's self Black loosely, but once you start trying to defend and define what it means to be Black, I have a problem. Black is a color; not a race, culture or place. I cannot travel to "Black" and learn about my Blackness. Being "Black" is an identity based on skin color. You may as well call yourself Colored.
At the end of the day, we're all living, breathing products of Africa. Not chains, shackles or being sold as property, but a constant reminder of the beauty that is Africa; a reminder that, we too, come from greatness. I too, dream Africa.P.S. - you may not wanna take any advice from me...or read this blog. Afterall, I am the reason Black Americans can't get ahead in life...(could someone please make me a smiley face that's flipping the bird? Or maybe just a middle finger? That would so come in handy right now)
Saturday, June 14, 2008
And if...
I have been drowning in a sea of math and geology homework so I haven't had much time to sit and actually...think. Lately I have been sizing up the world around me; how close am I to my goals? How important are the friends I keep around me? What's the difference between "family" and "relatives"? Am I living up to what I'm expecting of myself? In order for one to truly change, one must change their surroundings. I've found that when one promises "change" in the new year, but starts that year off the same as any, they usually end up in the same position as before.
For example, I'd normally spend my Christmas and New Year's with my mother and siblings, but for whatever reason or another, this year, I chose to be alone.Anyway, the point is, most people aren't going to be susceptible to the new you and that's okay. According to popular belief, if one separates themselves for an extended amount of time, then you must have a personal problem of some sort. Such is not the case. I, personally, am not the type to sit in a corner and pout when I disapprove; if I'm upset, I make no secret about it.
Although my random "disappearing acts" are usually brought on by one thing or another, it's never personal. At any rate, I don't have time to apologize or explain my motives to anyone. I crave peace, quiet and serenity; without it, I'd be a walking, bitchy mess...actually, that's me on any given Thursday, but you know what I mean. Please, never assume anything, especially about me...you only make yourself look like a complete idiot when your claims are proven to be wrong. Not only that, but if I'm not a part of your everyday life, then what's going on with me isn't any of your concern anyway.
I realised that at one time, I was too afraid to let go of what I was used to in order to venture on to something new. I'm coming to realise that as I leave behind who I was, those who truly love me are making their presence known and others are slowly dissipating. Those that I've left behind at this point are gonna stay behind. Here's what's really true: you need to push forward no matter what anyone else says. You must believe that there's something better for you outside of your comfort zone. Who wants to live life in a world of "what if"? I'm somewhere on the road to Sa-Ra's, "and if..."
For example, I'd normally spend my Christmas and New Year's with my mother and siblings, but for whatever reason or another, this year, I chose to be alone.Anyway, the point is, most people aren't going to be susceptible to the new you and that's okay. According to popular belief, if one separates themselves for an extended amount of time, then you must have a personal problem of some sort. Such is not the case. I, personally, am not the type to sit in a corner and pout when I disapprove; if I'm upset, I make no secret about it.
Although my random "disappearing acts" are usually brought on by one thing or another, it's never personal. At any rate, I don't have time to apologize or explain my motives to anyone. I crave peace, quiet and serenity; without it, I'd be a walking, bitchy mess...actually, that's me on any given Thursday, but you know what I mean. Please, never assume anything, especially about me...you only make yourself look like a complete idiot when your claims are proven to be wrong. Not only that, but if I'm not a part of your everyday life, then what's going on with me isn't any of your concern anyway.
I realised that at one time, I was too afraid to let go of what I was used to in order to venture on to something new. I'm coming to realise that as I leave behind who I was, those who truly love me are making their presence known and others are slowly dissipating. Those that I've left behind at this point are gonna stay behind. Here's what's really true: you need to push forward no matter what anyone else says. You must believe that there's something better for you outside of your comfort zone. Who wants to live life in a world of "what if"? I'm somewhere on the road to Sa-Ra's, "and if..."
It Must Be Said
Ahem: By now, we've all encountered someone (or a few) that we have graciously allowed to be a part of our lives only to find that this person has been sideline hating all along. It's okay to admit it...hell, I don't mind. I've encountered more than my fair share. Mainly because I'm a natural born nurturer; I feel the need to take care of people even when they don't deserve it or may not be as appreciative as I'd expect. Don't get me wrong, anyone who's ever been on the receiving end of my rage is either no longer a part of my life and/or still trying to heal their bruised ego. It has been said that the nicest people are the meanest when they're mean.Value: Spotting these people is easier than you think. All you need to do is think about how much value they add to your life and what their presence represents. I'm the kind of person to accept someone into my life over and over again, but at some point or another, I do a full mental evaluation of that person and their character. One thing that always seems to stand out is if that person has ever been disloyal. Loyalty may as well be the Sullivan anthem; it's that important. However, if a person takes all that you have to give, but only gives you the bare minimum, then chances are they're a mooch and don't deserve your time or energy.
Hater Syndrome: I have had my share of not so good relationships with friends, but the ones that always seem to be the worst are the ones with females. Let me get this straight; not all, but most females are cold, vindictive, manipulative, unstable creatures. This is true. Do not be fooled. No matter how many times you may have went out of your way for this person, listened to them cry about that no good dude who keeps beating their ass, paid their way when she knew her broke ass didn't have any money, allowed them to stay in your home when they otherwise had nowhere else to go and even made the choice to associate with her trife ass when you knew she has and would continue to talk about you behind your back, she's still gonna be who she is; a lazy, triflin', bitter, confused, two faced bum.
She's usually the one screaming about being on her "grown woman" or complaining about haters. Like Loren said, if you aren't making that much money, drive an average car and have a bunch of kids, trust and believe, "no one wants your life...no one is hating on you". What's even funnier is you probably have someone in mind as you're reading this right now.
Brownie Points: All jokes aside, it really does suck when you finally realise that someone really wants nothing more than to see you fail. I've finally had to come to terms with this myself. There have been a couple of people who my family and I have treated like family, only for them to talk about us like dogs everytime they got a chance. And if that wasn't enough, they'd make it seem as if they never needed our help, but would boast about how much they've done for us. That's the first thing to pay attention to. If someone is honestly and truly your friend, they won't hold every single time they've done something for you over your head. "Remember that time I went to the clinic with you?" "Remember that time I let you hold $20?" When you're someone's friend, you're SUPPOSED to do shit like that!! You don't get an award for doing some shit that's expected of you any damn way! And who asks for brownie points? How old are we? seven? Not only that, but a good friend doesn't want anything in return for their favors. I've never been a "quid pro quo" kinda person. I believe in karma and I feel that my generosity will most certainly come back to me.
Ulterior Motives: It's also important to pay close attention to how much the bad outweighs the good. If this person has caused more pain than smiles, it's probably time to let them go. It's okay to forgive and forget, but you're only allowed so many fuck-ups within one relationship. What's worse is there's always a hidden agenda. People that were never your friend almost always tell you how they really feel about you after the fact. Envy and jealousy is not a good look...for anyone. It's quite entertaining, actually. Imagine if a homeless person walked up to you and told you that you ain't shit. How would you respond? Look at it the same way when your ex friend decides to unleash her jealous fury on you.
Competition: one of the biggest signs that someone is definitely hating. Determine if this person has many things in common with you or if they're actually in competition with you and most importantly, pay close attention if they constantly compare themselves to you or anyone else that you're close to. There's nothing worse than someone who claims to have things in common with you when in fact they lack a character of their own and are living their lives through you. It's flattering at first, but come on now...if you're over the age of 21, you should have some solid idea of who you are.
As an adult, it's okay to admire certain qualities about someone, but trying to become them is kinda stalkerish (think: Single White Female). No "friend" competes with a friend. You lift each other up, you do for each other and most importantly, you're happy when their dreams are realised. However, if she tries to "out do" you instead, she's probably a bum. No real friend even thinks like that. I've beared witness to someone who would call something or someone ugly only to want it that much more when their friend shows interest. Just be careful...I don't want anyone's boyfriend to get stabbed in the eye with a stiletto heel or anyone's puppy to get thrown out the window. B: likes her hair just the way it is, thank you.
The way it all falls down: The fact of the matter is, if you've been good to someone and they do you wrong, you don't owe them anything. I have rid my life of the toxicity that I have allowed into my life over and over again only to find that I was more of a convenience to them than a friend or family member. After years of an off and on again friendship, I finally decided that it made more sense to leave them alone with the misery and sadness that is their life. If someone is just standing by and waiting for me to stumble just to keep themselves entertained, then they'll just have to watch from the outside. There's nothing worse than "letting a wolf in your home and closing the door behind it".
Yeah, I said it, and? This is just my observation and personal experience. I'm not passing judgment on anyone or their motives. Like I said before, if ater reading this you've decided to rearrange your social circle, good for you. If after reading this you've decided to blast me in a "retaliation blog" or any other behavior that suggests your character is less than stellar, then get your life together. No one hates you; you're simply not that important to me or anyone else.
Hater Syndrome: I have had my share of not so good relationships with friends, but the ones that always seem to be the worst are the ones with females. Let me get this straight; not all, but most females are cold, vindictive, manipulative, unstable creatures. This is true. Do not be fooled. No matter how many times you may have went out of your way for this person, listened to them cry about that no good dude who keeps beating their ass, paid their way when she knew her broke ass didn't have any money, allowed them to stay in your home when they otherwise had nowhere else to go and even made the choice to associate with her trife ass when you knew she has and would continue to talk about you behind your back, she's still gonna be who she is; a lazy, triflin', bitter, confused, two faced bum.
She's usually the one screaming about being on her "grown woman" or complaining about haters. Like Loren said, if you aren't making that much money, drive an average car and have a bunch of kids, trust and believe, "no one wants your life...no one is hating on you". What's even funnier is you probably have someone in mind as you're reading this right now.
Brownie Points: All jokes aside, it really does suck when you finally realise that someone really wants nothing more than to see you fail. I've finally had to come to terms with this myself. There have been a couple of people who my family and I have treated like family, only for them to talk about us like dogs everytime they got a chance. And if that wasn't enough, they'd make it seem as if they never needed our help, but would boast about how much they've done for us. That's the first thing to pay attention to. If someone is honestly and truly your friend, they won't hold every single time they've done something for you over your head. "Remember that time I went to the clinic with you?" "Remember that time I let you hold $20?" When you're someone's friend, you're SUPPOSED to do shit like that!! You don't get an award for doing some shit that's expected of you any damn way! And who asks for brownie points? How old are we? seven? Not only that, but a good friend doesn't want anything in return for their favors. I've never been a "quid pro quo" kinda person. I believe in karma and I feel that my generosity will most certainly come back to me.
Ulterior Motives: It's also important to pay close attention to how much the bad outweighs the good. If this person has caused more pain than smiles, it's probably time to let them go. It's okay to forgive and forget, but you're only allowed so many fuck-ups within one relationship. What's worse is there's always a hidden agenda. People that were never your friend almost always tell you how they really feel about you after the fact. Envy and jealousy is not a good look...for anyone. It's quite entertaining, actually. Imagine if a homeless person walked up to you and told you that you ain't shit. How would you respond? Look at it the same way when your ex friend decides to unleash her jealous fury on you.
Competition: one of the biggest signs that someone is definitely hating. Determine if this person has many things in common with you or if they're actually in competition with you and most importantly, pay close attention if they constantly compare themselves to you or anyone else that you're close to. There's nothing worse than someone who claims to have things in common with you when in fact they lack a character of their own and are living their lives through you. It's flattering at first, but come on now...if you're over the age of 21, you should have some solid idea of who you are.
As an adult, it's okay to admire certain qualities about someone, but trying to become them is kinda stalkerish (think: Single White Female). No "friend" competes with a friend. You lift each other up, you do for each other and most importantly, you're happy when their dreams are realised. However, if she tries to "out do" you instead, she's probably a bum. No real friend even thinks like that. I've beared witness to someone who would call something or someone ugly only to want it that much more when their friend shows interest. Just be careful...I don't want anyone's boyfriend to get stabbed in the eye with a stiletto heel or anyone's puppy to get thrown out the window. B: likes her hair just the way it is, thank you.
The way it all falls down: The fact of the matter is, if you've been good to someone and they do you wrong, you don't owe them anything. I have rid my life of the toxicity that I have allowed into my life over and over again only to find that I was more of a convenience to them than a friend or family member. After years of an off and on again friendship, I finally decided that it made more sense to leave them alone with the misery and sadness that is their life. If someone is just standing by and waiting for me to stumble just to keep themselves entertained, then they'll just have to watch from the outside. There's nothing worse than "letting a wolf in your home and closing the door behind it".
Yeah, I said it, and? This is just my observation and personal experience. I'm not passing judgment on anyone or their motives. Like I said before, if ater reading this you've decided to rearrange your social circle, good for you. If after reading this you've decided to blast me in a "retaliation blog" or any other behavior that suggests your character is less than stellar, then get your life together. No one hates you; you're simply not that important to me or anyone else.
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