When Time Talks...Listen

Sitting and reflecting over the past ten years was kinda tough. I thought of all the people I lost, the many times I lost my way and how those things have shaped me into who I am today. One event stands out to me more than anything: the loss of my best friend Pam and my great grandma...both in the same year...five months apart.

I was pretty broken for all of 2004 and the better part of 2005. The person you know today didn't exist then. It took some time for me to find some kind of comfort and acceptance in the wake of losing them. My great grandma was 91, but as old as that may seem, I still needed her. I need her even now. However, when she passed, I realised that if I could let her go, I could do anything. It became that much easier for me to let people go, specifically people that were no good for me.

Losing Pam was different. That was my ride or die since '95. I'm a natural loner and never ran with a big group of friends. Ever. That was my ONLY friend for years. I was very anti-social and couldn't relate to too many because...well, teenage girls are stupid. Pam was just as much a mess as I was. The difference was, she didn't apologize for it and I effin' digged that about her. Feathers at the bottom of her jeans, sweats with heels, three photo albums full of pictures of herself, whatever...she did it, she loved it and she really couldn't give damn what anyone thought about it.

Now, I've always had a left-of-the-center kind of attitude, but when she passed, I stopped caring about what people thought about me and my point of view. Groucho Marx once said, "those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have more." 'Nuff said. I'll always be grateful for Pam for being my sunshine. At times she was a huge question mark and when she passed, the question mark was answered: "just because".

Those two in particular have shaped me into person that I am today. I try to avoid stepping on toes at times, but hey it's dark and hell is hot. someone is bound to get their feelings hurt. It's never my intention to hurt anyone (ever), but we can't stifle our own ideas and opinions to make everyone else comfortable. I've said before that the most successful people of our time and times before us didn't get there by being nice.

Here's to the next 10, y'all!! Live life with no regrets and avoid apologizing if possible...lol! Always remember that if folks don't like you for being the best YOU that you can be, remind them that you aren't paying them for their friendship. I'd rather have 2-3 friends that love me unconditionally than 10 friends that agree with me, but secretly hate me.